Courtesy

Doesn't anyone understand any social graces anymore?  After my birthday years ago, when a friend tried to invite someone I didn't know, and I said "no thanks," I feel like I get to be the bad guy.  In my defense, the last time the invitee was a guy I'd met at a new year's eve party once.  He was drinking excessively, loudly talking like a jerk, trying to hit on underage girls, and then he puked on the host's rug.  She wasn't even the homeowner, which made it pretty crap.  (Yay. College.)  My friend who invited him was the guy cleaning up vomit on the floor, while the party went on around us.  So I felt pretty justified in saying no.  In this case, it was a special occasion and I had planned the party for weeks and weeks.  And it was my birthday.  The person was super offended and barely even said a word to me afterward.  I feel like maybe it wasn't a loss.

This time, it's a good friend who has been having long-term issues with her boyfriend.  He's got untreated depression and ADHD, he failed a lot of classes due to mental health issues...  which happens.  In fact, I understand it pretty well.  But instead of doing anything or seeking help, he decides to smoke pot and ignore his graduation requirements.  Only one semester left.  Idiotic.  He also makes social situations awkward, has an 8 year old's sense of humor, and I wouldn't trust him with pets or children.  Not even a person worth speaking to, sometimes.  When I try, he gives oblique, childish answers.  Yes, I can try to know him.  Yes, I'm being a jerk.  But when he's visiting from out of town and his really amazing girlfriend wants to bring him, as a "date," when she's an extra person JUST because someone couldn't bring her date, what is really appropriate?  Telling her "no thanks, we want it just to be people from school / people we want to catch up with"?  I told her yes, because I don't feel up to disappointing her when he's in from out of town.  But I also don't want him lingering on a night where I have an exam tomorrow.  I just...  UGH.  I hate people today. 

What happens when you have good friends who your spouse doesn't like?  Well, or they marry someone you don't like, or you marry someone who isn't interested in a friend's spouse as "man company"?  What happens when you are totally disappointed in the person your friend is spending time with?  Do you ever get time to recuperate, or do you lose the friend?  Do you just try to isolate things so you see only your friends? 

I'm stubborn and opinionated and really really loyal to people.  But sometimes people aren't doing that in return, and make my life more stressful.  Sometimes they, even through the small things, make me think, "What on earth would anyone want a friendship with this person for?!"  And sometimes people return that loyalty and trust, and make friendships that last for ages.  I don't know which is which at times, and I don't know who I should trust either.

Maybe this is a continuum of having poor parenting, of having friends who betrayed me, and of having trust issues with every person.  I'm just tired of it.